Liberals and conservatives: why we need both

Imagine a world without stodgy old uptight republicans trying to legislate everyone’s morality based on their own perceptions of right and wrong. Sounds awesome, right?

But would all of that unchecked liberalism result in a Star Trek: the next generation style utopian society, or would people soon be marrying cats and walking around naked in Whole Foods with no one to stop them because a)it’s legal and b)there’d be no cops to enforce laws anyway, cuz pigs suck, man?

There’d be no one left to do anything practical. You’d have people with stupid jobs like “Yeah, I’m a butterfly communicator.” People would “identify as” random shit like telephone poles and goldfish. There’d be paintings done with menstrual blood all over the place.

People would be “jailed” for hate speech. I put “jail” in quotes because jail would be some kind of intense sensitivity training program.

Conservatives, imagine a world where shit gets done in a level-headed and practical manner. Everything is black -and-white. Law and order has been restored, and nothing weird is permitted. Hooray, America is great again!

You know who that would be great for? The rich. The rest of us would be toiling away in indentured servitude under depressingly hazy, smog-filled skies and enduring 150 degree highs while the rich watched over us from their environmentally-controlled floating sky fortresses, sipping the tears of their Chinese child rape slaves from diamond-encrusted goblets carved from elephant tusk. Art would look like the paintings of Thomas Kincade, and music would sound like Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA.”

We need balance. Humans will always take things to extremes. Two opposite extremes must therefore exist in order for us to keep ourselves in check.

Two hands on the steering wheel; ten and two, left and right. Keeps us from careening off to one side of the road and landing upside down in a ditch.

Thing is, both sides want the same things out of life, they simply disagree on how to achieve those things. When they come together and compromise, that’s when humanity moves forward. This all-or-nothing mentality and the stalemate it’s brought us to is going to be our downfall. No one will ever “win.”

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