What makes one a “douche?”

I might say or do something from time to time that could easily fall under the banner of douchebag behavior. But I’m aware of it. I know I’m being a douche. I’m self-aware.

A true douche isn’t self-aware. He doesn’t know what he is, and he lacks the capacity for self-reflection. His identity, then, is dictated by the masculine archetypes he strives to emulate.

A douche is highly insecure and likely to feel he is the victim in conflicts he probably himself created unnecessarily. Because of this insecurity, he loudly proclaims, to anyone who will listen, that he is an “alpha.” This is the battle cry of the douche.

It really isn’t fair to tell a douche not to be a douche. The douche simply can’t help himself. Pity him. But do not procreate with him.

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