I couldn’t be a nihilist

Both online and in the physical realm, I’m often angered by blind adherence to obvious mistruth. And I don’t mean things that are open for debate–I mean when they’re flat-out wrong about fundamental concepts.

The more prevalent I perceive this most absurd of uniquely human flaws, the angrier I get, until I’m finding myself wishing for people to hurry up and start dying of Covid-19.

I think things like that. Fuck everybody, humans are garbage and life is pointless. I can’t wait for them to start dying!

It all starts to unravel as soon as I see a kid or an old, feeble person. I don’t want them to die. And then I start thinking about people I know, and I just get frustrated because I want some kind of cataclysmic retribution for mankind’s folly, but I don’t know how that could be achieved as selectively as my rapidly expanding list of exceptions demands.

I guess it’s normal to to temporarily experience intense, blinding and sincere hatred only to retract it at some later point, but it makes me wonder if one can be a nihilist without being a sociopath.

I’d prefer not being either. Both seem exhausting and contrary to normal human instincts. Or, maybe they’re not. I’m going to bed.

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