I’m always gonna be f***ed in the head.

I’m 41, and I’ve been fucked in the head for as long as I can remember. At this point, I have no delusions that shit is ever going to be “okay.” I am the product of a fourteen-year-old foster child getting pregnant by another foster child of undetermined(by me, anyway)age. I’d already known this by the time I tracked down my biological mother and several … Continue reading I’m always gonna be f***ed in the head.

Putting away childish things

I went over to my parents’ house last week in search of writing, school papers, drawings, pics and whatever other childhood relics I could find that had the potential to give me a glimpse into my mental processes at the time. I’m currently in the planning stages of writing a book about what it’s like to have OCD. What’s it’s really like, from my perspective. … Continue reading Putting away childish things

Nice Guys

Do they finish last because they’re nice? Or is there some other reason? When I was a young idiot, about 18 years old, behaving and thinking much like the kinds of kids that get on my fuckin’ nerves in 2018, I fancied myself a “nice guy.” I couldn’t figure out how to get a girlfriend. I’d had one in High School, but that fizzled out … Continue reading Nice Guys

Trying too hard

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that striving for literary success is a fruitless endeavor. All the pushy marketing and shameless plugging…I’ve decided to simply be myself, do what I do, and stop attempting to fit into the “writer” box. Granted, I haven’t been “attempting” very hard, if it all, lately. But I have in the past, and looking back on that I feel slightly … Continue reading Trying too hard

When I was a child…

I didn’t speak as a child. I didn’t think as a child. Not in the traditional sense. And yet I’m still waiting to become a “man” so that I can finally put away those childish things. What things? Oh, depression, anxiety, perpetual emotional turbulence. These things have always been with me. My memory goes as far back as the age of three, and my earliest … Continue reading When I was a child…

I kept a journal in 1992…

And what I discovered, reading it now, is that I saw “Batman returns” uh-lot. “What a disgrace.” Ha! What was my deal? What a little shit. My obsessive-compulsive disorder (undiagnosed at the time, as it wasn’t really a “thing” to most people)permeates this entire notebook and I plan to post most of it here. It’s an interesting glimpse into my mindset at the time. Some … Continue reading I kept a journal in 1992…