Used to…

Everything is “used to” for me now. Someone talks about say, swimming. I’m all “Oh, I used to love to swim.” I talk about how I “used to” love finding new music at used cd and record stores “back in the day.” I used to go here, I used to go there…I used to have friends. All of my stories are about friends I don’t … Continue reading Used to…

My racist aunt

My mom’s older sister was a wonderful, kind woman who loved to laugh and always found joy in “the little things” as she liked to say, amidst the constant, debilitating pain she suffered at the hands of an insidiously severe form of rheumatoid arthritis for decades. In 1993, when I was sixteen, I travelled from Oklahoma to my hometown in Michigan to stay with my … Continue reading My racist aunt

I’m always gonna be f***ed in the head.

I’m 41, and I’ve been fucked in the head for as long as I can remember. At this point, I have no delusions that shit is ever going to be “okay.” I am the product of a fourteen-year-old foster child getting pregnant by another foster child of undetermined(by me, anyway)age. I’d already known this by the time I tracked down my biological mother and several … Continue reading I’m always gonna be f***ed in the head.

Loss of dignity with age

My dad was in the ER this morning for a severe kidney infection. I sat and watched this ex-firefighter, Vietnam veteran archetype of masculinity lie under a thin white hospital blanket, the monitor he was connected to beeping away in the background, and I marveled at how frail and helpless he looked. It made me sad. And it reminded me that I’m already experiencing the … Continue reading Loss of dignity with age