By the time I turned five, I was already exhibiting the textbook symptoms of original formula OCD Classic: excessive handwashing, fear of contamination, counting, checking, etc. My behavior wasn’t recognized as OCD at the time because it wasn’t really something that existed in the consciousness of the general public until many years later. None of the counselors or psychologists I was taken to seemed to … Continue reading My OCD isn’t OCD anymore.
I was so exhausted when I went to bed last night. I’d spent the evening pretending to watch TV with my wife when I was actually googling symptoms of various serious medical conditions my mind has convinced me that I have. Head feels like it’s in a vice grip due to an emerging sinus infection. My gut is inflamed, belly bloated and gassy from a … Continue reading 4:36 AM
By the time I was seven years old, I’d already encountered my fair share of bullies. They were my peers, my classmates, kids in the neighborhood. They’d push me, shove me, calm me names, make fun of me. Tear up my shit on the bus on the way home from school. No big deal, really. I survived. An adult bullying a child, however, that’s an … Continue reading Deep Cuts
I hate driving downtown, and I avoid it entirely unless I’m legally compelled to do so. So far I’ve been legally compelled to do so four times; jury duty. This last time that I served, I beat the traffic by arriving over an hour early each morning and waiting in the parking garage in my car. My car is like a shield I can pull … Continue reading That time I got trapped in a burning parking garage
From a very young age, I knew that I was going to be a writer. I was absolutely certain of this eventuality, to the point I took it for granted. It was going to happen. What I failed to realize was that from the moment my pencil touched the wide-ruled paper of my Big Chief notebook in second grade and I began to write my … Continue reading Rebirth
You’ve all seen the pharmaceutical commercials in which the narrator quietly rushes through a list of horrible side effects like a more soft-spoken version of the micro machines guy. It’s become comedic fodder for legions of stand-up acts because of the absurd disparity between positive and negative effects. “This’ll get rid of your toenail fungus, but it might cause anal leakage and/or death.” Well, I’ve … Continue reading Meds: the side effect trade off
Do they finish last because they’re nice? Or is there some other reason? When I was a young idiot, about 18 years old, behaving and thinking much like the kinds of kids that get on my fuckin’ nerves in 2018, I fancied myself a “nice guy.” I couldn’t figure out how to get a girlfriend. I’d had one in High School, but that fizzled out … Continue reading Nice Guys
I love the smell of old books. I love the smell of old comic books and magazines, the finely aged newsprint, baked yellow by time. And when I open one and lift it to my nostrils for a gentle little sniff, I’m flooded with a sense of nostalgia, sometimes even for eras that were already long gone by the time I arrived on the scene. … Continue reading Hidden Treasure
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that striving for literary success is a fruitless endeavor. All the pushy marketing and shameless plugging…I’ve decided to simply be myself, do what I do, and stop attempting to fit into the “writer” box. Granted, I haven’t been “attempting” very hard, if it all, lately. But I have in the past, and looking back on that I feel slightly … Continue reading Trying too hard
I didn’t speak as a child. I didn’t think as a child. Not in the traditional sense. And yet I’m still waiting to become a “man” so that I can finally put away those childish things. What things? Oh, depression, anxiety, perpetual emotional turbulence. These things have always been with me. My memory goes as far back as the age of three, and my earliest … Continue reading When I was a child…
